Why No One Trusts Me

Here are a list of things I have convinced people of over the years. That I recall. This will most likely be updated on occasion.

Age 12: (with Kelly Forberg and Abi Bessert) Convinced Kelly Ingold that a dildo was a toe ring that sent sexual impulses from your feet to your vagina. And that it was solar powered.

Age 13: Convinced my virgin boyfriend that he had sex with me in the janitor's closet at school (I was also a virgin).

Age 16: Convinced Kyle Balk that there were $30 bills.

Age 18: Convinced an entire party my name was Penelope, but that people called me "P" for short, which also stood for "Pussy." And that I was from Mobile, Alabama. And that I worked at Hooters.

Age 21: Convinced my boss that the movie "Legion" was really pronounced "Leg-eye-on."

Age 22:

Convinced Mike Hamilton that my incredibly adorable and feminine friend Amy that he had a crush on was actually a boy. Future interactions between them: way weirder.

After introducing myself as Tanya (real name) to some guy, convinced him my name was Tracy 2 minutes later. Made him feel bad for forgetting.

Told a customer he had to buy something to use the bathroom at work (true). After charging a dollar to his card for a granola bar, convinced him he had to spend $5 to get the bathroom key (not true).

Convinced Kelly Forberg that R.E.M. was pronounced Rem.